A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway,Asks
a bystander as to
why are the guys doing? “what they are doing.”
The bystander: “A Marathon race is going on”
Sardar: “What do they get from that?”
Bystander: “The winner will get a prize.”
Sardar: “Then why are the others running?!”
————————————————————————-
A sardar and an American were walking outside when the
American
said “Oh, look at the dead bird.”
The sardar looked towards the sky and
said”Where,where?”
———————————————————————–
Sardar: I was born in the Punjab.
Friend: Oh really, what part?
Sardar: All of me, silly.
————————————————————————-
Sukhbinder : Tell me five FERROCIOUS animals you can
think of…
Yoginder: 3 Lions and 2 Tigers.
————————————————————————
Q: How can you recognise a sardar in a submarine?
A: He is the one with the parachute on his back.
————————————————————————
Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to
answer the telephone.”Is
this one one one one?”, says the voice. “No, this is
eleven eleven.”
“Are you sure it isn’t one one one one?”
“No, this is eleven eleven.”
“Well, wrong number. Sorry to have woken you up on the
middle of the night.”
“That’s all right, mister. I had to get up to answer
the telephone anyway.”
————————————————————————
A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After
eating he goes to
wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, “Prahji, aap
kya kar rahe ho?”
To this the man replies, “Oye,tumne hi to idhar board
lagaya hai,
‘Wash Basin'”.
————————————————————————
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The
doctor asked him
what had happened to his ears and he answered, “I was
ironing a shirt and
the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I
accidentally picked
up the iron and stuck it to my ear.”
“Oh Dear!” the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
“But…what happened to your other ear?” “The
scoundrel called back.”
————————————————————————-
Q: Why did the Sardar take a pair binoculars with him
to a funeral?
A: It was a distant relative’s funeral.
————————————————————————
There were these three guys, a surd, an Italian, and a
Jewish guy.They all worked together at a
factory. Everyday they notice that their boss leaves
work a little early. So one day they meet together and
say that today when the bossleaves, they’ll all leave
early too. The boss left and so did they. The Jewish
guy goes home and goes to rest so he can get an early
start. The Italian guy goes home and cooks dinner. Our
Banta goes
home and walks to his bedroom…. He opens the door
slowly and sees his wife in bed with his boss..! He
shuts the door and hurries out of the house! The next
day the Italian and Jewish guys are talking and plan
to go home early again. They ask Banta if he wants to
leave early againand he says,”no.” They ask him why
not and he says,
“because yesterday I almost got caught.”
————————————————————————
There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In
order to raise some money he decided to kidnap
a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the
playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree,
and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.” The Sardarji then
wrote a note saying: “I’ve kidnapped your
kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag &
put it beneath the mango tree next to the
slide on the north side of the city play ground”.
Signed, “A Sardarji”. The Sardarji then pinned the
note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it
to his parents. The next morning the Sardarji checked,
and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath the
mango tree. The Sardarji opened up the bag and found
the $10,000 with a
note saying, “How could you do this to a fellow
Sardarji ?!”
————————————————————————–
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh got fed up with the
Indian Govt and decided to blow up the
parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase
in the front seat of their car and set
off. Hari Singh asks “What happens if the bombs blast
off now”. Gani Singh says “Don’t worry.
I have a spare bomb in the back seat”
————————————————————————
HEIGHTS OF REVENGE
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito
repellents and wehad to spend sleepless
nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every
time he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes
and disturbs his sleep with a sound “guooonn,
guooonn.” He getsvery irritated. He tries to cover
his ear but
the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up
and catches the mosquito in his hand.He is very kind
and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take
revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby
and says “so ja machchar, bete so ja”. After some time
he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his
hands. So he goes near it and says “Guoooonnnnn,
guoooonnnnn.”
————————————————————————–
PROFESSOR SARDAR
Sardar Singh was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He was
in search of a subject on which no one did any
research before! As he was thinking over it, he found
a cockroach on the table in from of him. He
decided instantly to do a research on the roach. He
picked the roach and put it in the centre of
the table and said: “Run”. The roach ran. He pulled
out one leg of the roach, put it again in the centre
of the table and said: “Run”. The roach ran. He pulled
one more leg of the roach, put it again in the centre
of the table and said: “Run”. The roach ran. This way
the roach tried to run even when it had just one leg.
He
pulled last leg of the roach, put it again in the
center of the table and said: Run”. The roach could
not!
Our Professor was satisfied with his study and started
writing his thesis: “When you pull out all the legs of
a roach, it cannot hear anymore”.
————————————————————————–
Suicidal Sardar
An American, an Italian and a Surd were doing
construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of
a building…
They were eating lunch and the American said, “Corned
beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and
Cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off
this building.”
The Italian opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Pasta
again! If I get pasta one more time I’m going
To jump off, too.” The Surd opened his lunch and said,
“Paratha and dal again. If I get paratha and daal one
More time I’m jumping too.” Next day – The American
opens his lunch box, sees corned beef
and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Italian opens
his lunch, sees pasta and jumps The Surd opens his
lunch, sees paratha and daal and jumps to his death
also… At the funeral….. The American’s wife is
weeping…She says, “If I’d known how really tired
he was of corned beef & cabbage,
I never would have given it to him again!” The
Italian’s wife also weeps and says ” I could
have given him pizza or lasagna! I didn’t realize he
hated pasta so much.” Everyone turned and stared at
the Surd’s wife… “Hey, don’t look at me,” she said,
“He makes his own lunch!”
————————————————————————–
Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody
around greeted her. Since the plane was crowded she
had difficulty in finding a seat. She saw our Sardar
Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a vacant
seat.She went up to him and introduced
herself saying in her cool sexy voice, “Hi, I am
Elizabeth Taylor… Liz to you.” Balwinder was
bewildered but immediately responded, “Hi I am
Balwinder .. Balls to you.”
Grafitto
——–
* Sex is an emotion in motion.
* Prostitution is a hole sale business.
* I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids….
* Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.
* Wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime have some fun with the wrong ones.
* For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.
Njoy
…….
U.P. Talks!!Jaunpur (UP). At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to
his colleagues in
office stating that his wife had delivered a son…
His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this “happy event”
happened
when he had not seen his wife for four years…
The man said it is common in UP that neighbours take care of the wife
(good Samaritans)
when men are away.
The colleagues asked him,”What name will you give to the son?”
The man explained, “If its the second neighbour who has taken care,then
the name
would be EKNATH;
If its the second neighbour who has taken care,then the name would be
DWIVEDI;
if it is the third neighbour then it would be TRIVEDI,
If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be CHATURVEDI;
if its the fifth neighbour then it would be PANDEY…
After listening to this, questions followed.
What if it is a mixture of neighbours?
Then the boy would be named “MISHRA”…
And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour? “Then
it would
be SHARMA”…
But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour? “Then the
name of
the child would be GUPTA”…
If she does not remember the name then? It is YAAD-AV…
But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape? “Then it will be
named DOSHI”…
Finally, if the child happened because of wife’s burning desire for
sex,? “Then
he will be named JOSHI…
And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?….
DESHPANDEY!!
Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am XYZ. I did my Tele communication
engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
Int: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of
this college before!
Candi: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into
it. What happened is – due to cricket worldcup I scored badly in 12th. I
was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to
call him ‘baap’) – “I can not invest so much of money”. (The baap actually
said – “I will never waste so much of money on you”).
So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name – BabanRao
Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetaki Mahavidyalaya he he
he…
Int: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.
Cand: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know,
these cricket matches and football worldcup, and tennis tournaments.. It
is difficult to concentrate.. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all
I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.
Int: But 4+2 is 6.
Cand: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep
this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect
exams a lot. I think they should ban it.
Int: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Can: No, no.. I am talking about Exams!!
Int: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Can: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would
complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a
job for me in BEST through some relative. (My moms’s exact words were –
“Melya, kiti divas fukatache gilat basanar aahes?”)
Int: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Can: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing ‘lower’ education itself was
so much of pain!!
Int: Let’s talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?
Can: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform.
Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can
see I have
experience of different platforms!
Int: And which languages have you used?
Can: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German,
French, Russian and many other languages he he he…
Int: Why VC is better than VB?
Can: It is a commom sense – C comes after B. So VC is a higher version
than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!
Int: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Can: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our
ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Int: What is your general project experience?
Can: My general experience about projects is – most of the times they are
in pipeline!
Int: Can you tell me about your current job?
Can: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata Infotech ltd. Since joining
BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was
another software like Windows he he he..
Int: Do you have any project management experience?
Can: No, but I guess it shouldn’t be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I
can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use
speaker facility. And very important – I know few words like –
‘Showstoppers’, ‘hotfixes’, ‘SEICMM’, ‘quality’, ‘version control’,
‘deadlines’ , ‘Customer Satisfaction’ etc. Also I can blame others for my
mistakes!
Int: What are your expectations from our company?
Can: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have
deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt
and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest wed off also, so as to avoid
breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term (preferably
1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But
considering the fact that there is a worldcup in South Africa in Feb 2003,
I don’t mind going there in that period.
As you can see I am modest and don’t have many expectations. So can I
assume my selection?
Int: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In
fact I was never entertained so much before. I request you not to apply in
our organization for next 100 years. After that we might consider you!!
The candidate still doesn’t know why he was not selected.
hi abhi …
sorry for sending u the list so late.
any ways here are the univs in the the order with the
institution codes . but plz check codes once more for
Top 10 universities (score 2100-2200)
1. Standford (California)–>R4704
2. Cornell (new York)–>R2098
3. University of Texas, Austin (texas)–>R6882
4.Uinversity of Illinois, Urbana-Champaigne
(Illinois)–>R1836
——————————————————
5. University of California, Berkley (California)–>
R4833
6. ucla (california) –>R4837
universities 11-25 for score (2000-2100)
1. CA tech univ , (CAlifornia)–>R4034
2.Georgia tech univ , (Georgia)–>R5248
3.CArnegie Melon ,Philadelphia(Pennsylvania)–>R2074
4. univ of wisconsin- MAdiisson–>R1846
——————————————
5. Purdue univ–>R1631
universities for 1900-2000 (top 25 – 50)
1.State univ of n.y. stony brook (Ny)–>R2548
2.Rensaller Polytechnique.(ny)–>R2757
3.rutgers state univ, new-brunswick(NY)–>R2790
4. Ohio State univ, (ohio)–>R1592
————————————————–
5.Univ of florida, gainsville–>5812
6.iowas state univ. –>R6306
7.tulane university ( louisiana ) ..????? –>R6832
8.virginia tech univ –>R5859
9. syracause university , NY–>R2823
10. Penn state univ.(PA) –>R2660
11. RIT (rochester inst of technology)–>R2760
12. univ of iowa, iowa city–>R6681
Now this is the list …..besides these u have to give
department code … Now the Department code for
Computer Science is 0402 for GRE.
For Computer Engineering the Dept Code is 1201.But
remember dont give this code. Comp Engg is quite
differnet here from what we study for BE.
So u give code for Comp Sci only that is 0402.
I will mail a smiliar list of colleges to vaibav,
Now remember one thing. U cant take any paper to gre
centre. So u have to memorise minumum the name of
colleges and dept code which is 0402.(for comp sci)
so u have to memorise least 4 x 3 = 12 colleges names
(if not their institution codes … u will get
institution code in gre center when u type the name of
the college and the state in which the college is
located.
ok so u memrise the names of 12 colleges in the three
ranges which u have given me . 1900,2000,2100
bye
kaustubh
———————————————————–
First I would like to say that this article is for people who are happy and comfortable in making registry changes. Because your registry is a key player in the workings of Windows, it is advised that you should only carry out the following task if you feel you are happy to make registry changes. The workshop cannot be held responsible if errors arise causing your computer not to function correctly.
Okay, now that’s out of the way here is the ultimate tip in improving the speed of your Internet explorer browsing experience. If you are a modem user or ISDN user, you will notice the most increase in performance.
First I recommend always that you back up your registry. This is done by firstly loading RegEdit from your Start/Run menu bar. Just type RegEdit and it should load correctly. Now select the Registry menu item and then select Export Registry File. Make sure your Export Range has All selected. Once this has been checked, Enter a file name and press save into your prefered location. By doing this it ensures that if everything did go horribly wrong, you can revert to a previous version.
Now if you look at your registry you will see the huge list of folders down the left hand side. Now what you need to do is select the following in the correct order:
HKEY_CURRENT_USER>
Software>
Microsoft>
Windows>
CurrentVersion>
Internet Settings>
Once you have selected the correct sequence, the following selections and changes are the most important.
Within the right hand window of RegEdit you will see there are two strings named MaxConnectionsPerServer and MaxConnectionsPerl_OServer, if these are not there then see below. Click on the first one, MaxConnectionsPerServer and then with the right mouse button click your right mouse button and then select Modify. A window will pop up at this point and you need to change the Value data to 6. Make sure at this point that Decimal is selected to the right. Even if you did not select Decimal, it would not matter because this will be the same as Hexadecimal unless it was over 10. So just ensure that Decimal is selected and it contains a value of 6. Now, Click ok and do exactly the same for the other registry entry called MaxConnectionsPerl_OServer.
If you find that 1 or both of these registry entries are no in your registry, then you will have to add them manually. To do this you need to move your mouse over to some white space in the right hand side of the registry editor. Right click and select the new option and then select DWORD Value. Now enter MaxConnectionsPerServer as the string name and then press the return key. Now repeat this process for MaxConnectionsPerl_OServer as the string name. Now modify these entries using the procedure above.
Once you are happy that everything has been done. Quit regedit and away you go. There is no need to reboot. If you fire up Internet Explorer you should notice a speed improvement when browsing the Internet.
This procedure works for both Internet Explorer 4 and version 5. It works because Internet Explorer is designed to comply with HyperText Protocol v1.1. This means that a browser only draws no more than 2 streams from a web server at any given time. You have now increased it to 6 streams because your web browser is capable of using more. Now you have increased it to 6, it can use six making your browsing experience in general much quicker.
Enjoy!
